Not the Muse

Instead of choosing me

you used me for material

You narrated endings

rehearsed resentment

and asked me to applaud

And I stood there

hands clasped

throat chakra closed

mouth open

cheering for you

Every spoken word was a punch to the gut

and a tremor for me to trust it

to finally pay attention

to see you

You were rehearsing rupture

while pretending to build intimacy

And now I know

I never had you

What I’m mourning is who I wanted to believe in

The worlds you created

and asked me to believe in too

But they were never real

I was never perfect

and often colored outside of the lines

But I always made sure that the masterpiece I was creating

centered us

and you, only ever saw you

People aren’t molds

not beholden to your misshapen shapes

My presence is not your next fable

your tall tale

to extract from

I believed that you saw me because I was often starved of your glance

I danced to salacious metaphors about myself

and called it “romance”

Instead of choosing me

you used me

and blamed me for the pain

your pen and your mind created

And yet, somehow you still “love me”

A lyric you never wrote or tried to present

You positioned yourself as lonely

And now…

i’m letting that exist